THE FIRST 6 MONTHS…
I have been meaning to write this blog for some time now, having bought the domain whilst I was still pregnant, but I definitely underestimated how time consuming it would be having a new baby. I was under the impression that they slept all the time and so I would have tonnes of time to get things done. How wrong was I!? My little lady is about to turn 6 months old and raising her is undoubtedly one of the most challenging and rewarding journeys I have ever been on. It has been an absolute whirlwind of emotions, sleepless nights, and profound love that has completely transformed my world.
The sleep deprivation should have been expected but our little one lulled my partner and me into a false sense of security, sleeping for hours at a time through the night. We were torn between waking her for feeds and leaving her to sleep seeing her peacefully dreaming. Since about 2 months, however, something changed and she would often wake up every hour / few hours, meaning sleep became (and still is, to a degree) a rare and precious commodity. The exhaustion is real, and it has been incredibly challenging to adjust to this new sleep schedule, particularly whilst trying to be the ‘supermum’ I had always planned to be. Yet, even though many of her naps were not in her very fancy and expensive bassinet that my parents gifted us and instead kept me completely nap trapped, I will always treasure the sweet moments of cuddling and watching my little one snuggle up to me and sleep in my arms.
One of the most stressful parts of looking after our bubba has been deciphering her cries which can feel like solving a complex puzzle. It has been difficult, especially when we are so sleep-deprived, but the moment we figure out what she needs, it is incredibly rewarding.
Something that was a bit of a struggle to get used to at the start and was a cause of her cries (and mine) at the outset when we were both learning how to do it has been feeding her and the constant feeding schedule. I had decided that I would like to try breastfeeding and although I did manage to stick it out (after a real struggle to begin with), I was not prepared for how physically and emotionally demanding it would be. I have found it particularly hard being her sole source of food, particularly when I have had to be away from her and my partner and other family members really struggled to feed her in my absence, whether that be with a bit of formula or expressed breast milk. She completely refused to take it from a bottle, cup or even a spoon which caused immense stress and even led to us moving onto ‘solids’ a little earlier than we had planned. It has been challenging to keep up with my baby's feeding needs and I have felt jealous of others who have been able to make use of their partners to tag team the feeding, but the bond that we have formed during these intimate feeding moments is profoundly rewarding and it is so adorable when she now reaches out for me.
I feel very lucky to be taking this journey with my partner who acknowledges that he has not been able to do much in the way of feeding (or 'input’ as he calls it) and so offered to be in charge of 'output’ as much as possible! Even with him taking charge of 'Daddy’s poo club’, I’ve changed my fair share of nappies too. It sometimes feels like a never-ending task, but those cute little smiles that accompany them are worth every nappy we go through.
Raising a baby is like watching a Pokemon evolve!
One of the most shocking and exciting things to me has been how quickly our little one has grown and developed. It really is awe-inspiring. Every milestone, from her first intentional smile on her 6 week birthday to her first roll, is a reminder that she is evolving (just like a Pokemon) right before our eyes. We have to keep telling ourselves that every terrible night’s sleep is just down to her brain beavering away and learning new skills!
The first few months with a newborn can be isolating, especially whilst adjusting to parenthood for the first time. Social activities have been limited although we have done our best to get out and about with her. We’ve also been really lucky to have such a loving and supportive network of friends and family around us. Having said that, I have found the quiet moments and middle of the. night solo feeds with my baby to be a precious and solitary sanctuary.
Despite the difficulties, the love I feel for my baby is boundless and unconditional. Everyone told me that this would be the case but I really feel like I took it with a pinch of salt before it became real for me too. When my baby looks into my eyes and smiles or giggles, I feel like every challenge, every sleepless night, has been entirely worth it. The love and joy she has brought into my life and my familiy are beyond measure. I no longer have the drive to hot foot it to an office in the early hours of the morning and sit at a desk and climb the corporate ladder; instead, I want to live a life that enables me to work from home and see my little bubba grow up.
Raising my baby to this point has been an intense journey filled with ups and downs. It is both exhausting and exhilarating, challenging and profoundly rewarding. The difficulties my partner and I have faced during this time have become woven into the fabric of our parenthood story, and the moments of joy and love are the heartwarming chapters that make it all worth it. Here’s to many more pages full of exciting adventures (with a fair few sleepless nights no doubt thrown in along the way)!